"All we need is Love series" :Love is not a Feeling. It's a Choice.

I couldn’t do a series on love without dedicating an entire piece to my love…….KB.

Recently, I was out having lunch with a dear friend and she asked me how KB and I came to know each other and how we got engaged. It made me realize that a lot of people don’t know. Especially the “new to the cypher” folks. The abridged version of “our story” Is that we met in 1996 at a conference for our denomination in Louisville, Kentucky. You know how those “made for TV” movie love stories always start with two people locking eyes with each other from across a crowded room? And then everything just stops? And then when it starts again, everyone is moving in slow motion but those two? That’s exactly how we met, sans the slow mo. I was walking around the convention center with my godsister, Christina and I looked up……and there he was. After a quick intro, we were all inseparable for the rest of the conference.  And then afterwards, we kept in touch by phone. We must have talked every single day for the rest of that summer (we have the $800 phone bills to prove it. Sorry, dad!) Over time, we lost touch several times but somehow, we always found our way back to one another. We always chose each other. Over and over again. Finally in 2005, we decided to give “us” a real try. I was invited to come down to FL from VA for his birthday. I thought I was coming down just so we could see if there was still any spark there (I mean I hadn’t seen him since 2000 and it was only the 3^rd time I’d seen him in life). Little did I know, he had already gone and purchased an engagement ring! So after our “First date”, he asked if I wanted to see the beach. So we went for a walk on the beach and he whipped out the ring and asked me to be his wife. Obviously, I said yes. And so began our story.

Louisville, KY 1996

It hasn’t been a fairytale. It may have started as one, but every day hasn’t been an easy one. I can remember very early in our marriage hearing the phrase that “Love is not a feeling. It’s a choice." My 26 year old mind definitely didn’t understand what that meant. I don’t think either one of us did. But over the past 8 years, I think we’ve both learned exactly what it means. When my body was struck with Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 28 and I was so angry that all I did was lash out at him every chance I got, he still chose to love me. During the times when he’s been having issues at work, and he’s snapped at me or pushed me away, I’ve still chosen to love him. In all the ways and on all the days we’ve hurt each other, disappointed each other, or were just flat out mean……we’ve still chosen each other. We’ve chosen each other over and over again since 1996 and we still do so today. I think about our marriage and I think about all the great times and memories we’ve had; all the late nights staying up laughing and talking or watching movies. I think about all the vacations, sporting events, and concerts. I also think about the hard days; holding each other’s hand through yet another scary procedure or surgery for one of our moms and burying my last two living grandparents within 3 weeks of each other. Oh yes, our marriage has definitely seen its share of ups and downs. I’m so glad you’re my friend. Someone I can count on to always laugh at my jokes, even when they aren’t funny. Wait. You don’t do that. You tell me they are corny and not to ever tell that joke again. That reminds me……..march 3^rd is coming……..*snicker*

And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love. But the GREATEST of these is love. I know that there are those who don’t understand our relationship. They don’t understand why we’re so devoted to each other. They don’t understand how or why we’ve managed to stay together so long. It’s simple….the reason is because we’ve both learned that love is NOT a feeling. It’s a choice. And 18 years later baby…………I still choose you. I choose us. I’m so glad you still choose me, too. Happy ValenTIMES.



I choose you!